The Indomitable Diva

Hey, if anyone is reading this, first, thank you. Thank you for remaining anonymous while you chuckle at my insecurities. Second, I'm all over the map. My most recent conquest has put me on the path of getting my black belt in mixed martial arts which includes Tae Kwon Do, Muay Thai Boxing, Kickboxing, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and Filipino Arnis Escrima. It's a big curriculum but it is so much fun, largely because one of my instructors is this energetic ball of inspiration, who gives unconditionally to teaching his students and thrives off of their personal achievements. His personality is infectious and I am determined to match his energy joule for joule. That, and I like to hit stuff. At any rate, part of my black belt training requires that I keep a journal. I've given up on writing with a pen or pencil because I can type far faster than I can write. Plus, it's more fun for me. So...I've decided to make my blog, my black belt journal. After all, it goes with my theme of falling down and getting back up over and over and over....However, I do not wish to transform the Damaged Diva blog into a personal journal. If you are interested in my daily ramblings, you can find them at The Indomitable Diva . I'm sure there will be all kinds of personal drama there in my quest to manage survivorship with athleticism at the tender age of 46. Otherwise, I will continue to post to the Damaged Diva on ramblings different from my black belt quest.
And speaking of suvivorship, I will try to upkeep my personal webpage, The Cancer Diva, which I have conveniently neglected for six months. No, I'm not dead. Just lazy. I will post cancer updates there for anyone who is interested in that stuff. And speaking of cancer, if you are reading this and you are fighting Cancer, keep fighting. There are amazing experiences on your journey. Be open to them. I hope my story helps somehow. If anything, writing about it helps me, and that's how the whole thing started. Everyday, I am grateful for my awesome life and the people in it. I like to recognize them when I can (without spotlighting them on my facebook page....). Thanks for reading and enjoy the day. Today is the best you will every be.

The Day of the Fact

I wish my memory were better. 40 years of memories are hard to pack in to my tiny little brain especially a brain I soaked in alcohol for much of my young life and later other substances that do not enhance memory (i.e. chemo, diet drinks, and Red Bull). Now I must count on others and their rendition of what went down way back when. I've been walking down memory lane trying to piece together the good old days. So, I dug through the garage and found a bunch of old yearbooks and journals I had written. What I have concluded in this little exercise is I had waaaaayyyy too much fun in my younger years which probably explains the lack of memory of said events. I had multiple groups of friends that fell into categories of Ski Racers (local, national and international), Volleyball Players, Calculus classmates, drinking buddies, boyfriends (with and without carnal knowledge), Drill Team friends,  the Class of 1985, Kayakers, River guides, Colleagues of various jobs, and adopted family members. Admittedly, I used to order my life by boyfriend.  I was a serial monogamist (except when I wasn't which was only once or twice.... and worth it.) starting at the tender age of 11. I could tell which event happened when based on who I was dating at the time. This was a handy little memory tool and worked beautifully for years. Well, until I was around 26 anyway. That particular year, I met my soon to be husband.  Sadly, I have not made 20 years easy on him, but having tested his resolve, I can be completely certain that he must love me. Otherwise, he is a true glutton for rewardless punishment. Needless to say, the last 20 years have been difficult to organize given the lack of dramatic breakups and new infatuations.
Today, we celebrate our  20th anniversary of the "day of the fact." 20 years ago today, my husband and I went kayaking together after deviously being abandoned by a huge group of friends who schemed to get us alone together. It worked. Marek kissed me from his kayak on this day 20 years ago. We call it the "day of the fact" because we have some great memories "before the fact" and "after the fact." I celebrate today because it was the day heaven opened up and welcomed me in. While the day we committed ourselves to each other in marriage is also extremely significant, today has a special meaning. I staunchly refuse to forget how happy I was that day, not simply because I got kissed by a boy, but because I was loved for being me. I got to combine love with kayaking, and have ever since. How lucky am I to have found a life partner who allows me to be me, an unconventional brand of woman who likes to bomb down mountains and rivers and later throw on a dress and heels to dance the night away? He is durable....and patient. The years are starting to run together for me. So many great experiences, so few memory cells. Thank goodness for digital photography and facebook to jog my failing memory. We continue to add memories to the vault. Still a serial monogamist, I have taken it to the next level. Still monogamous after 20 years and grateful it's so easy and fun. Looking forward to more kissing on the river and days of adventure with the kids. One thing I do remember is there's never a dull moment.