Time of Our Lives

"Time heals all wounds."
I found this to be true and it truly does work as long as you have the time. In my case, probably because my memory gets worse and I have less energy to focus on those wounds, so they just close all on their own and then I forget I had an issue in the first place. I'm fairly confident that this will be the case with a recent situation. However, I'm afraid I won't have enough time to see this through. I opened an old wound and the experience allowed me the good fortune to watch something amazing grow out of it. My intention was to cleanse my soul so that when I do run out of time, I don't have any demons to wrestle. My objectives were met. My expectations exceeded. Mission accomplished. Sadly, It created a new wound, a wound based on hope. Hope that now that the issue is "fixed," something new can grow from it and the efforts made to recognize how, would not be wasted. Hope that love and happiness will somehow find their way and the world, specifically my world,  will be a better place.
Hope is a powerful drug.
In the law of 3's of the United States Air Force, hope can be the difference between life or death. A human being cannot survive:

• 3 seconds without spirit or hope. 
• 3 minutes without air/oxygen
• 3 hours without shelter in extreme conditions
• 3 days without water
• 3 weeks without food
• 3 months without companionship or love.

(taken from Ben Sherwood's "The Survivor's Club")

Not everyone is equipped to handle the intensity of raw emotion. People shy away from it as consciously as they shy away from pain. I've had a whole lot of experience with fear and pain and loss, so I'm not so averse to it. In fact, I tend to invite it because the richness and beauty that evolves from it, is so fulfilling. I struggle to understand why anyone isn't willing to go through a little discomfort to get to the good stuff. And I understand that some people are willing, but they fear those close to them cannot survive the journey. People opt out. Better to avoid discomfort than find solutions to the problems that arise. Few take chances on unknown risks.
You have to allow people to experience moments of pain and grief and loss so that they may move through to the other side. You must trust them and know in your heart that they will evolve all on their own because it is out of this faith in them that they grow. Good friends are the ones that see you jumping off of the cliff, and let you jump anyway because they know that if doesn't kill you, you'll be better for it. True friends help pick up the pieces. To be a good friend, sometimes you have to watch your friends go through hell. This can be rough but if you have just a little faith, a little trust, and a little patience, you can watch their life change before your very eyes. 

I jumped off of the cliff and yes, I'm a little battered from the experience. I'm also enriched by the feeling of "freefall," so I continue to hope for a new way to experience it without all the battering and bleeding at the bottom, but there is an element of healing time that must be respected. Is it a year? 5 years? 30? 

I don't have that kind of time. Maybe, I have five years left. Hopefully seven or more so that I may see my children make it to adulthood. Given my survival rates, I'm already way ahead of the game and grateful for all my moments, but I'm not complacent. I have no delusions that anything can happen, that it CAN and will happen to me, and that my life can end at any given moment.

Thankfully, I have plenty of oxygen, water, food and companionship and love, and truthfully, I only have to endure short bouts of hopelessness and a deep sadness from time to time. At this point, it is I who must have faith and trust that the universe is unfolding as it should. I must allow friends to evolve and grow and find joy. I see this as a test of my survivorship. It is a test of my faith.  Faith that I will have enough time to see good things happen. 

I can muster 3 seconds of faith. I will have faith for the rest of my days that good things will prevail. If I can get the bleeding to stop, I know time will heal all wounds. I am not worried. As we say in the ER, "All bleeding stops eventually."