The Pity Party of 2011

"The past is history. The future's a mystery. Today is a gift, which is why we call it the present." ~ Babtunde Olatunji

It all started out with a hip replacement. I feel like I've lived a lifetime since then. 2011 was riddled with drama. So glad it is over. I look back and think about how I agonized over my hip replacement, my daughter's soccer future and my future as a nurse. Now, I contemplate cancer treatments, side effects and clinical trials. Perspective ain't just a river in Egypt....er, something like that.
One year ago today, I remember it dawned on me that they were going to saw off the end of my femur to fix my hip. I remember thinking, wait a minute, my femur isn't the problem....but that's how you fix a hip and the sacrifice you make. Now that I am pain-free and able to put my socks and pants on without interesting acrobatics, it seems trivial, but days before my surgery, I remember obsessing about it. "Back then," I was also eating sushi, drinking lemontinis and buying hair products. Oh, the difference a year makes! Now I'm blending vegetables, drinking kombucha tea, and watching my eyelashes fall out.
My hip replacement was a success. No blood clots. No sepsis and no adverse outcome. I did what my doctor and my physical therapist told me to do and spent countless hours stretching and doing my figure-4 exercises for what seemed like forever. It took 6 months to really feel like my hip was good and stable. I am thankful that it is, but it was a long haul in the first half of 2011
In the middle of a hip replacement, Stella and Zoe tried out and secured their spots on a competitive club soccer team. We were so excited to work with her amazing coach for another season. So much so, that I agreed to be Zoe's team's Manager. We were poised and ready for another banner year of soccer with Coach AJ ...until the soccer club fired him. From there, our entire soccer year unraveled. I resigned my manager position, we pulled Zoe from the club and Stella, at the tender age of 9, made some very grown up choices between her team and her self-esteem. It was painful to watch. Zoe's season was salvaged when she returned to the team she played with last year, which turned out to make her year super fun. Stella stood on the sidelines and supported her sister. Meanwhile, I assisted Zoe's coach to keep myself from going postal on the entire Northern California competitive soccer system. Other than our experiences with Zoe's team, I was very disappointed with Northern California Soccer. Clearly, I'm not the only one because things are changing in big ways for next year, but the whole thing left a bad taste.
After the hip replacement and the soccer nightmare of a lifetime, I went back to work, which turned out to be quite challenging. My department was undergoing major changes and there were a lot of process issues that were needing upper-level attention. This created some inter-departmental strife and difficult days for us worker bees. You know you are having low job satisfaction when you look at the bright side of cancer as not having to go to work for awhile. Work was definitely less fun.
We short-saled a house in early 2011, which decimated our credit rating. Marek had hernia surgery and Stella broke her wrist right about the time we were going to salvage her soccer season. And then I got Cancer.
Thousands of healthcare dollars later, it's safe to say that 2011 was a mess. I look back on all of it and wonder how we are all still standing. Certainly, our new involvement with the folks at West Coast Martial Arts and the fun we had with Zoe's soccer team had a lot to do with our survival. The gift of friendship, the kindness of acquaintances and the outpouring of community support has clearly kept me from jumping off of any bridges. Another life-deafening epiphane I had last year, is I used to think of myself as somewhat insignificant unless I was overachieving. Now I realize that just being present for another is reason alone for being here. I don't have to be super nurse, super wife, or super mom, world class skier or class V kayaker, nor do I need two breasts or a full head of hair to feel whole. This is a major mid-life revelation for an only child trying twice as hard to be half as good, which means that 2011 was not for nothing. Heck, it took the events of 2011 what 44 years of my life did not accomplish. I am resolved to cashing in on 2011's blood, sweat, and tears (and bullet-hard bowel movements). I will be turning all of 2011's bad karma into 2012's good fortune, preferably from the side of the pool in my front yard. 2011 had a purpose. It's purpose was to make 2012 look really great. So, come for a swim. Let me fix you a veggie smoothie, a glass of Kombucha or some crispy Kale. 2012 is for living it up. It's time to be present and trust me, today is a gift.