Survivorship I

I mentioned earlier that I am in a weird place. Secretly, I am jumping for joy that I am still a card carrying member of Earth and that for the second time in my life, have managed to escape an untimely death. On the 20th of this month, I will receive my last Herceptin infusion. Herceptin is a drug that prevents the overexpression of a gene that causes my cancer. Lately, I've been thinking that this last year has been a freebie. The Herceptin keeps the cancer at bay while I change my lifestyle and rebuild my immunity. However, I have not been totally successful. I am starting to get a little worried that we are taking the Herceptin away. I have a perception (potentially misconceived) that I have run out of fun tickets and it's time to pay the piper, meaning it's time to put my money where my mouth is, or more specifically my kale.
I've tried to incorporate more vegetables in my diet. Largely, I have been successful but as a mother of two active children, I admit the occasion chocolate chip cookie sneaks in. I can tell right away. My body feels like crap. I hoark down some cucumbers and kombucha to offset the effects of a pure sugar/flour rush, but it's too late. The only good news is that the chemotherapy last year affected my short-term memory,  making forgetting that I ate the cookie hours later a little easier to do. Other than that, I pay.
I have given up alcohol while I remain in treatment. Don't worry. Alcohol does not cause cancer. My reason for giving it up is to give my immune system every fighting chance at killing off a mutating cell that might be a precursor to cancer. My natural killer cells are securing a post a.k.a. my body and a bunch of drunk immunity cells don't do the job as well. They just float around and giggle. I need those babies ready for battle at all times. Hence, no martinis during wartime.
I gave up caffeine. Actually, I traded in my caffeinated beverages for decaffeinated ones. Decaf in the morning. I'm just getting used to that. Apparently, caffeine isn't worrisome but dehydration can be. Add a little sugar to that mix and you've got a prime breeding ground for bacteria. Now my natural killer cells and the rest of my immunity is forced to put down minor uprisings versus standing at the ready for the real war. The war on cancer.
I admit that exercise seems daunting right now. I know it's important, and I'm doing my best, but not being 100% means fighting the uphill battle. This is my biggest disappointment because I truly love being active. I haven't hit that "eye-of-the-tiger" moment where it's time to drop everything and start digging into getting in shape. Seems like there's always something drawing me away from my exercise program (my kids, my husband's travel schedule, my limited musical choices in today's world.....Seriously.)
Finally, I have failed miserably at giving up sugar. Have you tried the Talenti Sea Salted Caramel ice cream? It's like crack. Addicting and orgasmic. Lately, a really good chocolate chip cookie also seems to test my resolve. Again, I counteract with a kale smoothie but it doesn't undo the effects of a pure sugar trip. This will be my Achille's heel for eternity. I am starting to get how it feels to be a blank (insert vice of choice)-aholic. My drug is sugar and I am a sugarholic.
And thus goes the challenges of survivorship. Frought with lifestyle changes and personal realizations, I am evaluating every little thing I do and enjoying every single moment. I worry about my ability to make the changes I need to make to keep my immunity doing its job and preventing any of my cells from mutating into cells they are not supposed to be, but I am also tasked with enjoying every possible moment filled with gratitude and the joy of life. It is a strange paradox and feels a lot like walking a tightrope. Perhaps it would be easier if I felt a little healthier. I am sure the menopause and the Herceptin are having an impact. Looking forward to see what impact that is when they cut me off.