Chemo, chymo, someone ate a rhino....

Chemotherapy.....Well, I still haven't resorted to smoking, eating or considering pot but I've been to places with my side effects that have caused me to think twice. Years ago, starting with 8 to be exact, a close friend of mine delivered all three of her babies at home (not at once). This was no small task as most of her children were 8lbs plus and she delivered them naturally without pain medication. I couldn't imagine, and I am still in awe standing next to this amazing woman who brought her family into this world all on her own. When I asked her how she did it, she had no explanation. She did say that if she had a bottle of heroine, she would have drank it. At least, I felt a little validated.

Sometimes, I think that I would do anything to relieve my chemo side effects. Chemo feels a lot like seasickness or high altitude sickness. I get severe headaches and nausea. Just this round, my MD prescribed low dose, short-term steroids which is exactly what you do when you are standing at the south Col on Mt. Everest finding yourself too dizzy or too tired to get yourself down off the mountain. You inject Dexamethasone. Why this didn't occur to me before, I still don't know. Probably not thinking clearly. Glad to be getting off this mountain this particular time. I wonder now, how I will respond at high altitude. I do know that I probably won't hesitate to inject myself with Dex sooner than later.

Then there's the weirdo food stuff. Repulsed by most foods, I have a hard time choosing something to eat. I have to eat to recover. Otherwise, it's just prolonged. Exercise and food are good ways to move all these toxins out of your system and the last thing you want to do is eat or exercise. So, I find myself often rummaging through the fridge or the pantry looking for that one thing that doesn't smell too awful or might be mildly appealing or specifically, not repulsive. Smell is heightened and worsened by my chemo. Even if I feel like eating, by the time I prepare something, the smell ruins it for me. One day, I was desperate for something warm to eat. I put a clothes pin on my nose and made a spinach tortilla with jack cheese, a.k.a. a quesadilla. At the last minute, I removed the clothes pin and ate as fast as I could before the smell made me hate it. It worked but it was a lot of energy to make that happen.

Currently, frozen fruit bars seem to be the easy choice. Lemon and Pineapple are my favorite. After 3 or 4 of these delectables though, my mouth gets sore. With delicate mucosa from the chemo, it's easy to suck a hole in my palate or suffer the swollen tastebuds that result. Then, I really don't want to eat anymore. So, I search for better options. Yams have been strangely appealing lately. That sweet orangey flesh with organic butter, salt, and just a hint of Agave nectar seems heavenly. The other thing is tomato and mayonnaise sandwiches on fresh (warm, squishy,) sourdough bread. Finally, revisiting my childhood and the "Chalads" of the Utah Coal & Lumber Restaurant, I love a bowl of butter lettuce, with a mound of organic monterey jack cheese on top, swimming in sweet vinaigrette. Recently my friend Katy brought me some awesome red seedless grapes that I popped into the freezer wondering when I would ever be able to eat them. I delved into these this week and they turned out to be little snacks of heaven. They are small, sweet and cold and seem to satisfy my need for something quick and odorless without sending me into acidosis or ripping up my esophagus on the way down. Did I mention Kombuchaaaaaaah? Fizzy, cold and sweet it coats and soothes, but only for a moment. Most of the time, I take one or two sips or bites and then I'm done. The rest goes down forcibly in hopes that it is what my body needs.

Cancer makes you something of a food chemist. I wonder why I crave the foods I do. Is it some sort of nutrient need my body must have? Or is it purely based on my inner Id requiring instant gratification because I am so miserable? Still struggling with this one but not opposed to tomato, mayonnaise and sourdough over the choice of Cannabutter so far.

It's hard to make great choices all the time. I do my best. The catch-22 of trying to eat foods that will make my body healthy vs. make my psychology better is dizzying. Certainly, I try and err on the side of health. Plant-based diet with lots of cancer-fighting foods is the goal. However, I also try to avoid the stress that goes with, "Oh no, I just ate wheat."

There are all kinds of cancer-fighting foodstuffs out there and I am eating them. I eat the kale. It's actually pretty good dehydrated and salted. My friend Terry delivered two bags of the stuff, and ironically, it looked just like pot. Kinda funny. I eat the seaweed when I can, but usually it's wrapped around sushi that might take my GI system down given that I have no more floral bacteria to combat the smallest insult of a bad fish. Since I am mostly constipated, I am not worried....yet. And speaking of constipation, it can't go without being said that I get most of my hydration from a gallon of prune juice and Barsotti's unpasteurized Apple Cider. Keeps me on the move so to speak.

So it's not just the polypharmacy in my bathroom medicine cabinet giving me relief and keeping me going but also the food chemistry, however odd it may be. Thankfully, at the end of my rope, someone delivers dinner and there is just the thing that my body wants and needs. It happens every time. Last night's curried chicken with grilled vegetables did just the trick. I am looking forward to eating again where everything I want, tastes as I remember it, and the smell of it is as appealing as the flavor. I am excited for my tastebuds to return to normal and the aluminum taste in my mouth to subside. Until then, I revel in odd food adventures and am grateful for the safety net of a frozen fruit bar. Or a good friend who comes to call with Yams and Pomegranate juice.