Thanks

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. I am completely overwhelmed with this holiday. Everywhere, I see posts on FB or hear DJ's on the radio asking what I am thankful for this holiday season. Seriously? Are there rules to this? How much can one be thankful for publicly? Everyday, I shed a tear of gratitude. I started to think that if I listed everything I was thankful for I would be here until next year. I've decided to do a little exercise of what I am thankful for to see what pops into my mind as I go along. This might be a little tedious for the reader but important for me to process. Feel free to let me know how far you got.....

I am thankful for teachers, nurses, soccer coaches, and mothers. They will be solely responsible for saving humanity.

I am thankful for the gift of a meal. In my darkest hours, I could not nourish myself the way others can.

I am thankful for Stephanie Pope and Syd Shainholz who have inspired me to and taught me how to beat cancer with grace and style. I am determined to be a happy ending.

I am thankful for my Park City posse who continues to include me and love me like I still live there.

I am thankful for Holly, Andrea and Becky who got the bad news first and said all the right things.

I am thankful Spencer is still of this planet and fights everyday to stay here.

I am thankful for rain that washes away the dust, sun that gives light and heat and the moon that waxes and wanes without fail.

I am thankful for Russ and Rob Reed who can drive a backhoe and a dozer better than anybody I've ever seen and have hearts of gold.

I am thankful for Louis and all the people who have built me this gorgeous home that I live in.

I am thankful Subaru makes cars that last for ten years and 200,000 miles even if you drive them through a lake.

I am thankful for my Mother-in-law who tries all the time to be a good grandma and a helpful person. I do not make this easy and neither does she, but I am thankful she overlooks this.

I am thankful for lemon fruit bars without which, I might be hospitalized.

I am thankful for Andrea Hirsbrunner who brings fresh apples, farm fresh eggs, homespun honey, and homemade bread. It is a gift of love with a swiss flourish.

I am thankful for Edith who makes me laugh and inspires me to do the same for others.

I am thankful for Polly who calls all the way from Vermont out of the blue and cracks me up on her way to work.

I am thankful for Monique who keeps my head warm everyday.

I am thankful for Jennie because she is Jenny and she knits really cool hats that I don't know whether to frame or wear.

I am thankful for all the messages, notes, emails, cards and correspondences I receive each day that tell me others are there. It keeps me positive and strong

I am thankful for all the women who have suffered before me so that I have a better chance to live.

I am thankful for a ski racing career that provided me with opportunity and friendship that continues today.

I am thankful for UCSF and a team of rockstar healthcare professionals that sacrifice everyday to treat people like me.

I am thankful for Heather and Laurie who give and give and give and listen to me rant and rant and rant.

I am thankful for the river that flows through my front yard and reminds me that all things wash downstream eventually.

I am thankful for the California Montessori Project where my girls can go to school safely and not be judged.

I am thankful for Alice.

I am thankful for the Jazz Soccer Team who surrounded me and held me up the last two months.

I am thankful for AJ and Adrian Utush who will teach, inspire, and test my girls in the greatest sport that ever was.

I am thankful for Todd Thalhamer and his family for single-handedly showing me how to inspire, uplift, and galvanize an entire community.

I am thankful for Pam B., Dawn, Christy and Pam T. for helping me pass through denial.

I am thankful for Noelle, Sueanne, and Natalie for always being there, ready to take my children on a moment's notice.

I am thankful for Dr. Katy Rutherford for being friend and shaman to all of Coloma.

I am thankful for Buddhism for teaching me to see things in different ways.

I am thankful for Christianity for giving me a framework with which to lead my life.

I am thankful for Islam and Judaism for providing perspective.

I am thankful for my parents for teaching me how to rise out of adversity over and over again.

I am thankful for my formal education.

I am thankful for sarcasm and my ubiquitous use of it.

I am thankful for my job and the amazing people I work with.

I am thankful that Theresa knows where the wig store is.

I am thankful for long, rolling lefts that you can surf forever.

I am thankful for snow and mountains and high-speed chairlifts.

I am thankful that I do not have to shave very often.

I am thankful for modern technology, facebook and Apple products.

I am thankful for the mist that settles in the canyon over the river with the trees floating out of it early in the morning.

I am thankful for decaf coffee.

I am thankful for my friend Eva who inspires and motivates, keeps a close eye on the latest in nutrition and her passion to share it.

I am thankful for Havarti cheese and garlic stuffed olives.

I am thankful for OR nurses and scrub techs who keep brilliant surgeons brilliant.

I am thankful for the men and women fighting for our country, day in and day out, despite a poorly run government.

I am thankful for Krista Campbell who taught me about the importance of Choice and that spilled milk is not a tragedy but an opportunity to learn how to use a sponge.

I am thankful for Music and the digital industry that makes it accessible.

I am thankful for Zach and Tessa who bring joy and laughter to our home.

I am thankful for forgiveness.

I am thankful for Dick and Joe and ECHO: the Wilderness Co. for the life they gave me and taking nothing but family christmas cards in return.

I am thankful for jumper cables.

I am thankful for Mixed Martial Arts and two Kwan Jang Nims and a Bu Saba Nim that inspire students everyday.

I am thankful for Lori L. and Mary R. who keep me on the warrior path despite only meeting them 5 months ago.

I am thankful for chenille and fleece.

I am thankful for Marian Fitzpatrick who keeps me moving.

I am thankful for all of my scars and the stories they tell.

I am thankful Miss Angela beat Hodgkins.

I am thankful that people read my blog.

I am thankful for a friend named Rusty.

I am thankful the Propane guy, who comes at the most inconvenient times possible.

I am thankful that no matter how prepared I am, how smart I think I am, or how many plans I make, life remains completely unpredictable.

I am thankful that my husband's family loves me anyway.

I am thankful for AC/DC, Zac Brown, and the Grateful Dead.

I am thankful for Eclipse 02 and their support despite leaving the team earlier this year.

I am thankful that our family dog is deaf and blind and not incontinent.

I am thankful that I don't have to look at our broken down shed anymore when I look out the window.

I am thankful for the myriad of stars you can see while lying on our roof.

I am thankful for a roof, and a meal, clean water to drink, and warmth.

I am thankful that Taxol is a much easier drug to handle than the Adriamycin-Cytoxan (AC) regimen.

I am thankful for so much more.....

Most importantly, I am thankful for two daughters who teach me more about myself everyday. I am thankful that they are beautiful inside and out, that their love of life is infectious. I am thankful that they love me despite all of my many inadequacies and the fact that I am a one-breasted, bald-headed mom, unlike all the other moms. I am thankful they chose me and I am so thankful that they are healthy and happy and wise beyond their years.

And I am thankful for a husband who gives without getting. I am thankful for his tenacity, his gentleness and his love for family. I am thankful for his honesty and his vivid description of my strengths and flaws. I am thankful that he is a sexy beast and a patient one. I am thankful that we met when we were poor and happy and have built a life together that we can be proud of. I am thankful that he is not his mother, at least not entirely. I am thankful he knows his way around a power tool and that he can go from a tailored suit to a pair of Carharts without issue. I am thankful that ER stories don't scare him away and that he listens to them despite hating them. I am thankful that he tries to get me to drive to Baja every year instead of flying to a Hyatt Regency in Oahu.....well, sort of. I am thankful that he is not afraid to do laundry. I am thankful that he has hope even when I don't. I am thankful that he is left-handed. I am thankful that Cancer has not scared him away. I am thankful he is a good person and that he loves me regardless.

There is more, but I would be here all night, and frankly, I'm starting to get sleepy. Everyday. I have gratitude in abundance and I am convinced that it keeps me from going to dark places. So many people do so much for me all the time. I am both inspired and paralyzed by gratitude. I have so much to be thankful for that I feel an intense and overwhelming need to earn it every second of everyday. By this, I choose to be positive and upbeat, to smile as much as I can even if it means keeping excrement from squishing between my teeth. Let's face it, I'm no saint, but I choose happiness. There is no way to give thanks that is worthy, but I can choose to live responsibly and earn the kindness that has been shown to me by making the best of every moment. It's the best I can do... for now, and I am grateful for the understanding of others.

AND I am thankful that you read this far.....